like for monsters inc
reblog for mike wazowski
ignore for johnlock
doctors: why are all your bones broken
me: totally gnarly kick flip
doctors: fucking savage bro
don’t date anyone who isn’t proud of you
when they show a scene from two seasons ago in the “previously on” you know something fishy is about to happen
me: I got shot 4 times
school nurse: lmao just put ice on it
I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
learning all the words to a song where the singer sings really fast so you can sing along at the same speed is honestly the most satisfying thing
if we are talking in person and i accidentally spit dont even call me out i saw it and im dead inside
police officer: you’re under arrest.
me: im rubber, you’re glue. what bounces off of me sticks to you(:
police officer: fuck